how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
