Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
