i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
