Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
