You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
