I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
