I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
