remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
