He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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