Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
