I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
