I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
