Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
