I have demons in me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Drake has all the answers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
