i just had sex bonerless
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want to make out with him forever
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
