Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
