I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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