so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
