If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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