I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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