i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
