The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My life is pants optional.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
