If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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