I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
did i just pee glitter
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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