Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
