sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
two words: eviction party
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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