He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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