Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
