OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
