Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Are we still banned from the library?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
