i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
