1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
