come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
