I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
