Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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