I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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