he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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