Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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