So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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