I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
