1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
