In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
