Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
