Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
