Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
