I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
