I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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