Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
