You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
