Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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