Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
