Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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