It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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