this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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