Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
