You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
