is your mom at the bar?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
