Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
