you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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