Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
