I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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