dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
